The Accidental Trad Wife

It’s the final day

How has this come around so quickly? I have lots of thoughts, feelings and learnings to share. But I’ll leave that to a final round up post tomorrow, maybe Tuesday. Today, I’ll finally introduce you to my nameless husband. We sat down on the sofa and I interviewed him on his thoughts of the experiment. Here’s what he has to say.

What was your favourite meal? I don’t know, I can’t remember what happened earlier today. But probably freshly cooked pasta.

Who’s the better cleaner out of us? Me. Genuinely though, we both have our strengths. But the second you get a job, you’ll stop the same level of cleaning. I’ll go back to doing more after work, I find it relaxing, you don’t.

Is there anything you’d like to continue into our ‘normal’ lives? It would depend on what you do for work. I wouldn’t expect you to do something that just benefits me. Having a lovely home and freshly cooked meal has been great, but I couldn’t expect you to continue doing it. But we are happier with that lifted stress. When you get another job I think we should get a cleaner for a couple of hours a week.

Has anything surprised you? I don’t think it’s changed anything about us. Did you think it would? Yeah, I guess so, as you’ve got someone doing more for you. As nice as it is coming home to a nice home and having things done for you, it feels a lot like living at home with your parents, the bed would be made and dinner cooked for you, it was all just done. But as an adult you have to do it yourself and it’s time and effort, and not fun and enjoyable for most people. You get used to it, and I think we got used to this.

What have you liked the most? You’ve seemed happier.

What have you liked the least? I don’t like doing joint washing. It might be because I think I’m on the spectrum. But I think that when I do my washing, I know I’ve got everything I want when I want it, but when it’s joint it just goes more in order. Also, you changed the tog on the duvet too early!

Did you learn anything new about me? I don’t think I necessarily learnt anything new, but it’s interesting when we’ve had conversations about what you want to do next, I was surprised by what you’ve said. As you’ve been so career driven and focussed, I was surprised that one bump in the road would make you reconsider your employment so much. But I guess it’s not until you’re faced with adversity that you think about why you’re doing something, and step back. It can be like a sunken cost fallacy, where you’re so far into a career you feel like you can’t stop pursuing it.

Has this shifted your views on Trad Lifestyles at all? No. I’ve always thought there was a place for them. Women should have the choice of what they want to do, but no woman should be looked down on if their choice is to stay at home as a wife, or homemaker. And there’s nothing wrong with a man who wants to be a provider either. Marriage is important, it provides certain protections and support. I don’t see any negatives to marriage, as you know when you’ve found your person. I would have been fine if you didn’t want to get married and I’d have still stayed with you, but marriage is important to me and something I wanted. It’s a nice way to show commitment. People give a lot of reasons for not wanting to get married, but for me, if you’re saying someone’s the one, marry them. Marriage doesn’t need to be a 50k party. Don’t spend more than you can, don’t bow down to social media pressures, just do what feels right for you.

Is our marriage better, or worse, for the experiment? I don’t think you can base this on 6 weeks, when marriage is meant to be for a lifetime. The only thing I’ll say, is it’s made parts of my life easier, but marriage isn’t about one side.

Would you recommend this experiment to any other couples? There’s a lot of dependencies to be able to do something like this, kids, dogs, commitments. We have been very lucky that we’ve been able to do this financially. If someone else was in the same position as us, there would be nothing wrong with trying it. I think this is also quite specific to us, as you’ve been career focussed, and never wanted this lifestyle.

How would you rate me as a Trad Wife? Cooking: 10, Cleaning: 9, Listening to me rather than talking at me: 9, Happy mood and demeanour: 10, Making my life easier: 10, Looking Trad and caring more about your appearance: 5

Do you have any questions for me?

After interviewing my husband for an hour, I gave him the chance to ask me some questions. Here’s what I had to say.

Have you noticed any changes in me? You definitely seem happier, and you’re less stressed. I think you like having a nice home and nice dinner and those kinds of perks. But really, I think it’s because you don’t have to take on my emotional baggage every day. I don’t finish work and insist on being immediately taken out for a glass of wine to moan at you before you’ve even taken your shoes off.

Would you trade our DINK lifestyle for a happier but less glamourous SINK lifestyle? It’s hard to know, I’ve still got money coming in, so I don’t know what it would be like if I didn’t have my own money. But yeah, probably, as long as we had enough money to allow for luxuries . What do you count as luxuries? Meals out, holidays, being able to do things at the spur of the moment. Not worrying about food costs and having to eat boring meals. There’s an element of swapping work stress to financial stress isn’t there? Absolutely.

Final thoughts

I asked my husband for his final thoughts on having a good marriage:

“Look at your marriage as a life, not just a term. In the world at the moment, things are seen as disposable, like throwing away your old phone as soon as a new one comes in. If you have a health issue, you’d see a doctor to address the issue. You should do the same for any issue. Divorce is an easy option when things are tough, but often problems can be solved. You need to say when you’re wrong, act like adults and work through things. Be receptive to criticism. It’s not always easy.”

Answers like this are why I love him.

The Final Trad Wife round up:

Rating of my husband: 9.8/10
View on Trad lifestyles: Changed
Plans for my future: Uncertain
Hours spent cooking and cleaning during this experiment: 40 hours a week/full time work that