The Accidental Trad Wife

Today

I don’t have a lot to say. I think I’ve been a good Trad Wife. My husband is off work today and we had a nice day. I’d cleaned half the flat while he was still snoozing, then I woke him up with a kiss. We went out for lunch, went shopping, saw my mum, and later I made a taco dinner. Homemade corn tortillas, obviously. 

Being in such a stable and loving relationship makes me think of the ones that came before. So that’s what I’ll share today. 

The visitor 

My last relationship before my husband, I class as ‘The visitor’. It was loving, passionate, fun, but not real. We travelled a lot together, ate in five star restaurants all around Europe. He was charismatic, and brought the attention of any room he entered.

I loved him. I don’t regret a moment of it. But he didn’t bring out the best in me. My husband does. With ‘The visitor’, I was always ‘His girlfriend’ and I don’t think I was ever myself. I was trying to live up to what was good enough for him. 

He asked my dad permission to propose. We’d broken up within a month. I left our joint home for a few days so he could move out. When I came back, I realised nothing had changed. He didn’t own anything in it, what I thought was ‘our’ place, was mine. He was only ever a guest. I didn’t see it then, I did after. 

Breaking up was the best thing that ever happened to me. I became who I am in the aftermath of that heartbreak. 

The chef 

I’m not sure how far I want to to go with this one. Let’s see. He was horrible. But it was ‘Us against the world’. When he was good, he was great. When he was bad, he was fucking awful.

We loved each other. It was passionate. But he was damaged. We’re all damaged to some extent, but he was damaged to a greater degree. None of this excuses his behaviour. 

He hurt me mentally. He hurt me physically. But it was us against the world. I forgave a lot. I’ll never forget him making dinner for my grandparents, and I’ll never forget us getting dressed up and going out dancing. But I’ll also never forget my friends just closing the door when they saw him abusing me. I don’t speak to those friends anymore.

There’s a lot I could say here about feminism, spousal abuse, damaged people and pain. But, I’m not going to dissect it here.

I left. That’s all that matters.

The others 

There were a lot of others. I’ve lived with other partners. I’ve been in love with others. There have been one night stands, flings, romances and whatever else one can have. A lot of it, was a lot of fun.

Some good, some bad. It all leads you to where you are. I know what I want: honesty, friendship, harmony. I know what I don’t want: drugs, infidelity, chaos. Knowing this, meant when I met my husband I knew what I wanted, and I knew what I didn’t. 

The husband

I love him. Totally. It’s not fireworks everyday. It’s not us against the world. It’s a quiet love. A real love. And I can’t imagine living a single day without him.

The Trad Wife round up:

Tacos: 8 between us
Relationships: numerous and always a learning experience
Movie watched tonight: Your Name
Love: Never regretted