The Accidental Trad Wife

We woke up early this morning, sadly no zoo trip planned, but I was sure it would be a nice day even without red pandas. 

I scrolled Reddit, while my husband had gone to play Rocket League in the spare room, from what I understand it’s football, with cars, in space. 

I came across a Reddit post that made my heart palpitate and sink at the same time. It was about someone who was part way through buying their first house and had been made redundant, they wanted to know the legalities behind it. 

This is our exact situation. I am officially employed for 11 more days. Our purchase will not go through in 11 days. We’re on the cusp of achieving an almost impossibility for millennials, and own property. Yes, it is harder now, and no, I have no interest in listening to anyone who wants to argue against this. One fewer order of Starbucks or avocado toast doesn’t solve the housing crisis. The time just crept up on me, and this morning, it sunk in, we could be fucked. 

It’s not fair, none of this is fair. 

I can’t give any detail here, other than I had a decision to make about my redundancy, my husband wouldn’t have made the same one. I feel guilty. 

While drinking my morning can of Monster in bed, I emailed our solicitors to chase them up and ask again what the hold up was, and then messaged our landlord to give him an update. We’re buying the flat we’re currently renting, we love it here. I really don’t want this to fall through. 

Me and my husband chatted for a while and went through our options. What a lot of people would tell you is “Just don’t tell the solicitors and mortgage company, they’ll probably never find out.” But what if they do? It’s fraud. If we’re the rare people who do get checked again on exchange, I’ve got fraud against my name and won’t be able to work in financial services again, which is what I’ve known for many years. My stomach was in knots. 

I may be considered a fool by many people for doing this, but after chatting it through, we’ve agreed I’ll call our mortgage broker tomorrow and let them know there’s been a change in circumstances. I guess we’re doing the ‘right’ thing, but it would be easier to do if big banks weren’t so morally questionable.

So tomorrow, I’ll be doing what could be considered the most Trad Wife thing to date. I’ll be organising to change our mortgage into solely my husband’s name. With his wages and the property value, we should be fine. Should.

We are, in essence, putting the entire financial burden onto my husband. I have feelings about this, many feelings, the largest of which is failure. I’ve always been so proud of being financially independent. I moved out at 18, and have largely managed everything myself. My mum sent me £100 a month when I first moved out, I was earning £13.5k, and greatly appreciated the extra. 

I will not be named on the mortgage. I will not be legally responsible.

I’m going to try to view this from a Trad Wife lens. It might help me to try and think of it in the abstract, rather than the very real situation we’re in. 

This used to be the norm. Up until the 1970s, women still often had to have their husband’s signature and permission to open bank accounts. I’ve unintentionally gone further into the past, than simply donning a 1950s style dress. 

I trust my husband, and trust is essential in a Trad relationship. And he’s looking after me financially, that’s the norm in Trad relationships too. I don’t feel indebted to him, I’d do the same if the tables were turned. But I’m feeling uncomfortable, grateful and guilty.

Oh! And we had a nice day. We went out for jerk chicken for lunch, and chilled in the evening. No cleaning was achieved, but this feels like the most Trad Wife day to date. I’ll share my weekly round up tomorrow, as today’s blog seems to have been a little single focussed.

The Trad Wife round up:

The Sex Discrimination act: Came into force in 1975
Employment will officially end: In 11 days
Drop in household income: 60%
Feeling: Trust in my husband, and guilt in myself