The Accidental Trad Wife

Clean a bit, rest a bit 

It’s the half way mark, and I’ve got the day to myself. 

My husband is due back from the Stag do tomorrow lunchtime and I want to make sure he walks into a warm and welcoming home. 

In my former life, I really struggled to get my head into cleaning. To manage it, I used to do five minutes cleaning at the top and bottom of every hour, then chill for the other 25 minutes. It worked for me, and I got things done, albeit not quickly.

I decided to do something similar today. From 10am this morning, I did 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off for the whole day, and attacked the flat room by room. I stopped at about 8pm. For once, I decided not to listen to music or have the TV on in the background, I just cleaned and reflected, then chilled, then cleaned and reflected again. 

Once it was all done, I sat on the bed and thought about what’s gone well, what hasn’t, and what I’ve learned.

Failing this week’s goals

I set myself four goals last week, and I’m going to have to rate myself an F, maybe even a U. 

• Do some ironing – fail
• Sort the kitchen cupboards – fail
• 1950s look and cocktail at the door – fail 
• Yoga every day – fail, well I managed the first day

I’m not going to get down on myself for this. I did a lot of things this week, it just wasn’t these specific things. The only person holding me to account for this is me, and I think I deserve a do-over. I still like these goals, so I’m rolling them over to next week. 

Hopes and fears revisited

On my first blog I noted my hopes and fears for the experiment.

These were my fears: Losing a sense of self, changing a good marriage dynamic, getting bored…really really bored. 

None of these fears have been realised. Actually, quite the opposite. I haven’t lost any sense of self. This has actually let me know myself better. I’ve had time and space to really think about and disect why I do things, why I think things, and move towards finding out who I am. 

My marriage is as strong as ever. My fear here may have actually flipped. I’m now worried it’s been too much of a positive thing for our relationship. Having a wife who isn’t stressed, really listens to you, and makes a lovely home might be something that a lot of people want. I’m understanding this way of life more and more, there are a lot of positives. 

And I’m not bored. Not one bit. Sure, some tasks are monotonous, but that’s no different than some tasks at work. Currently, I don’t miss my job. I did love it, and I loved the people I worked with. I don’t know what I’ll do next, I’m still lost there, but it’s still a good lost. 

Onto my hopes, these were: Learn more about myself, challenge my biases, eat good food.

I probably don’t need to touch on the good food one. I just need to add some recipes and this could be a food blog. I did worry I’d lose my love of cooking, I haven’t. 

And boy have I learned more about myself and challenged my biases. Every day I’m learning something new, sometimes big, sometimes small. Today I learned that even if I fail every task I’ve put in front of me I don’t need to make myself feel bad. That’s a good thing to have learned. 

My biases are truly being challenged. I saw myself as a career woman, I didn’t know what would make anyone want to be a Trad Wife. I was probably judgemental, even if I didn’t say it out loud. To be more honest, I was judgemental, and have made negative comments. I’m not proud of this. But walking in someone else’s shoes, I’m seeing things differently. It’s hard to look at yourself and realise how judgemental you can be. But I’ve had the chance to step back and challenge myself. This is not anti-feminist, it’s a choice. 

I’m looking forward to the next few weeks, and I want to move from just ‘playing’ at being a Trad Wife, to leaning more into it in a real way. 

The Trad Wife round up:

Windows cleaned: 12
Marriage rating: 9.6/10 (have to leave a little space to grow)
Biases: Truly challenged
Dinner: A store-bought pizza (please don’t judge me!)