The Accidental Trad Wife

Redundancy

Redundancy hasn’t just been the loss of a job, or the loss of income. I’ve lost purpose. I was a high-flying boss-bitch career woman, and in a seven minute conversation it was gone. My plans for the future were set, I knew who I was. Now, I don’t. 

With redundancy imminent, eating a takeaway from Pho on the sofa I joked to my husband, “Now I’m not the breadwinner, I’ll be your Trad Wife”.

Although layered and nuanced, the Trad Wife movement is about embracing gender roles, prioritising home life and respecting different contributions to the home.

Feminism is integral to who I am, so how could I be a feminist and a Trad Wife, the two don’t fit, do they?

We finished the last of the mango salad, and the idea of being a Trad Wife lingered. 

There could be something in this

The next day, I was lamenting in the local Wetherspoons with my friend Kyle, I joke with him about the laughable concept of me being a Trad Wife. A couple of drinks later I come back to it “Why not?”. We drink, we chat. At the third pint of Doombar, Kyle says “Try it, write about it, I’d read it!”. We laugh, we debate. After the fourth glass of New Zealand Sauvignon, I say “We’ll eat better, the house will be cleaner and I just need something to do to find purpose…why not?”. 

Back home in bed, scrolling through Reddit, the idea didn’t fade. I’m sure it’s not for me. I lead neurodiversity initiatives and digitalise learning for big business…I don’t know where my iron is, and I last cleaned my oven over six months ago.

The next morning

My husband and I have a lazy morning and head to our local dive bar for lunch, I suggest the Trad Wife experiment to him. He is not comfortable with this.

We’re a classic millennial DINK couple (Dual Income No Kids): we meet our friends and talk about who’s had the most stressful week over sushi, and pretend we’re going to get all of our cleaning done on a Friday night so our weekend is free (we rarely do).

We chat more about the experiment over brisket fries and a New Zealand Sauvignon for me, and a Po Boy and Pepsi Max for him. We worry together, “What if we like it?”. We’re both uncomfortable…but we agree together to give it a go. It’ll give me something to focus on while I’m otherwise lost. 

The terms

We agree terms for the experiment, for the next six weeks:

• I will be solely responsible for all the housework.
• a freshly made meal will be on the table each night.
• all money spent will all come from the joint account.
• I’ll endeavour to make home life for my husband as easy, fun and interesting as possible.
• we’ll work out as we go along what the element of ‘Submitting to your husband’ means. We think it might mean that I respect that he’s been out all day at work, so if he wants to go bowling and I want to go for dinner, we go bowling. But honestly, we’re not sure. 
• I’ll blog daily, and honestly.

Copilot tells me that mutual respect is key to a Trad Wife relationship. I like this. So I’m putting preconceptions and biases aside, so for the next six weeks, I’ll be ‘The Accidental Trad Wife’. 

The Trad Wife round up:

My hopes: learn more about myself, challenge my biases, eat good food.
My fears: losing a sense of self, changing a good marriage dynamic, getting bored…really really bored. 
Glasses of wine: 5 (maybe 6, possibly 7)
Loads of washing done: 0
Knot in my stomach: Considerable