The Accidental Trad Wife

Hopefully I have more to say today 

We’ve had unrelenting rainstorms since 2am. Being on the top floor and underneath a flat roof, it is loud. Really loud. Our roof is also the local hang-out spot for magpies, so as soon as the rain stopped hammering down, the magpies started their morning laps. I gave up trying to get back to sleep at 6:30 and grabbed my morning can of Monster. 

Usually, I still know what day of the week it is, today I did not clock that it was Saturday, until shockingly late. My husband is away on a ‘Stag do’ all weekend, and me and my mum were going to see my grandma for a few hours in the morning. This could have been any day for me now, so I won’t blame myself for losing track of the days. 

I seem to be relatively perky for someone who’s somewhat sleep deprived. I mentioned to my mum in the car that I think it’s because I can now make time for naps. She added that it’s also about having the brain space to use time how you want to. Taking the time to see family is now not something I try to ‘slot in’, like a block in an Outlook calendar, it’s now just something I want to do, and can. There’s a lot around family values and connections as part of being a Trad Wife, this isn’t something I’ve actively tried to do, it’s just that’s what I’ve unconsciously chosen to do with my time. It’s definitely a good thing. 

We pulled up outside my grandma’s flat. When I was a bit younger I would always try and get all my swears out before going for a visit, these days I don’t. I now know there’s almost nothing I could say to shock my grandma. She reads my blog, so grandma, you’re fucking great! 

A little meta

When we got to my grandma’s she asked about my blog from yesterday, and with our 51 year age gap she didn’t know any of the songs I’d been listening to. My mum has started listening to The Wonder Years now, definitely a step up from Abba and Genesis. She once took me to see a Genesis cover band, it was the second worst concert I’ve ever been to, the worst was Oasis. 

Apologies in advance for going a bit meta here. Both my husband and my mum, read yesterday’s blog and were worried I was sad. I wasn’t. But on a re-read I can definitely see it coming through. I didn’t mention that I was dancing to the angsty music, I didn’t mention how happy I was that my husband ate the whole lemon drizzle cake during his drive to meet his friends at the stag do, and I didn’t mention that my feeling lost is not something I see as negative, it’s just where I am.

Being lost doesn’t mean to me being hopeless, anxious or under a dark cloud. For me, it’s a state of personal discovery and reflection, it’s sometimes nice to be lost, as you’re finding your own way, and making new paths. 

I’m more aware now than I was at the start of this experiment of how much of myself that my friends and family are seeing. And it’s not just the words, or the tone, it’s also what I’m leaving out. Yesterday, I left out all the good things, they were still there, I just hadn’t written about them. 

Garden centre cafes are poorly organised

I suggested heading out to a garden centre for a walk round, a nice activity, whether you’re 89, 67 or 38. 

We went to the coffee shop to have some breakfast and a coffee. They had a ‘Scone of the day’ we were all drawn to it, I never eat breakfast but couldn’t resist the call of an Indian spiced baked good with a side of tamarind mango chutney. We picked up one each, then had to enter a separate queue for coffees. 

We waited for 16 minutes for two Americanos. There was one man, with one coffee machine, and we were behind 8 Cappuccinos. I had to keep slapping my own hand back from just shoving the scone in my mouth. 

We then had to join a different queue to pay: food queue, coffee queue, payment queue. That cannot be the best way to set up a coffee shop. It was at this point I clocked that it was Saturday, and my mum noticed that I was the youngest person in the cafe by 20 years. With my fresh skin from the chemical peel and spending more time with retired people, I probably feel younger than I have in years. 

We had a lovely chat over breakfast, and wandered round the garden centre. No plants were purchased, but we came out with some crackers, some jalapeno crisps and some rhubarb and custard boiled sweets. 

We dropped my grandma back, then on the way home stopped by our favourite dive bar and then had a wander round M&S. 

I went home and napped. 

Why do I cook and clean? 

I decided not to do any big cooking or cleaning today, there’s no point, my husband is away. I’m not sure whether that’s the right view, and made me consider why I don’t do these things just for me. I don’t think there’s any element of not feeling worthy, I think it’s just that I choose to use the time I have differently when I’ve got space to myself.

Today I chose to use my time to play The Sims for a few hours while watching a documentary about Jeffrey Dahmer. I am happy with this choice.

The Trad Wife round up:

Hours spent cooking and cleaning: 0.5
Rhubarb and Custard boiled sweets eaten: 6
My Sim’s current job: Actor (I don’t think I’m going to follow her footsteps)
Feeling: Lost, but in a good way