The Accidental Trad Wife

A failed housewife morning 

I woke up at 5:15 this morning. To stave off a hangover from the wedding we went to yesterday I drank a litre of Tesco apple and raspberry sparking water and took a couple of painkillers. 

After scrolling through Reddit and watching an episode of Family Guy I fell back asleep for another couple of hours. 

There were lots of chores that needed doing. I didn’t do any of them. I could have finished the washing up and cleaned the kitchen, I could have taken the washing off the airers, I could have done the hoovering. But I didn’t. Maybe it’s because it’s a weekend I’m struggling with the new routine. Maybe I had a few too many proseccos last night. Maybe I just didn’t feel like it. 

I eventually got out of bed at 11:00 had a shower, and got ready to go out for lunch with our friends. 

Another day, another dive bar

My husband and I drove into town for lunch, where we met a couple of our friends at a bar. We ordered a pint of beer, a large glass of New Zealand Sauvignon blanc and a couple of cokes for the four of us. 

While I was dipping the last of my fish and chips into some mushy peas the conversation turned to work. Everyone else had something to say, I didn’t. They’re dealing with difficult meetings, travelling across the country and handling HR concerns. I’m dealing with the washing, and not even doing that well: My husband commented this morning that one of his shirts had shrunk. 

I always used to have a stress or a story to share. I don’t think the reorganisation of my towels will engage anyone. I invite one of our friends round for dinner during the week while his partner is away in Paris, and ask my husband if we can stop on the way home so I can buy some eggs to make him a lemon drizzle cake this afternoon. It’s something. 

I still feel guilty about the amount we spend eating out. And I still haven’t worked out what to do differently. 

What I’ve got right this week

We drove back home. My husband started playing Fifa, I think, on the PS5, and I started to list out all the positives of being a Trad Wife so far:

• We’ve eaten well every night and had no takeaways.
• The house is cleaner than usual.
• I’m less stressed. Far less stressed. 
• I feel I’m already beginning to understand myself better. I’m allowing myself time to reflect and sit with my feelings.
• My husband seems happier. I don’t think this has so much to do about having a fresh towel ready for his shower and a home cooked meal, I think it’s that he doesn’t need to take on the strain of being my emotional support. I asked a lot of him, and I didn’t even realise. 

I’ve got a fair bit wrong as well. My advice to anyone else would be to not expect yourself to be perfect, and learn as you go. I’m terrible at taking this kind of advice, but I’ll try. 

What will next week bring? 

I want to push myself further into tradwifery. So I’m going to set myself some goals for next week. I want to be uncomfortable, rather than simply picking and choosing the things that appeal to me the most. 

I will prefix the first one, by saying I do not believe that beauty and appearance are essential elements of a Trad Wife, and am in no way implying that a woman’s value should be linked to appearance. Although, like many women, I have been made to feel that way in the past. I’m just pushing my own boundaries. I dye my hair myself and get a cut once a year, this isn’t a financial decision, it’s because having any professional beauty treatment makes me deeply uncomfortable. So next week I will have some sort of beauty treatment.

I’ll clean the oven. No more needs to be said on that. It’s a horrible job. It needs doing, I’ll do it. 

Since I’ve been on top of the washing it’s become clear I have too many clothes. I have two wardrobes, a chest of drawers, some shelves, and a separate cupboard for shoes. I still always wear the same things. I’ll spend a few hours sorting through everything and get a couple of bin bags worth for the charity shop. I don’t think I’ll do my husband’s though. Partly, he doesn’t have the same issue, mostly, I don’t think he’d want me to. 

We’ve been married for 2 years and I took my husband’s name. I haven’t changed it on anything. So, I’ll call up at least three companies to change my name over to my married one. 

With a couple of social plans also already in the calendar, this feels like it will fill some time.

Started the day failing, ended failing 

At gone 7pm I still hadn’t done anything of real benefit for our home. I’d have made the lemon drizzle cake, but my husband asked if I could make it during the week instead. 

I watched the first Addams Family movie sat in bed. Gomez and Morticia’s love and respect for one another is the model of a great marriage. I’d take that over The Notebook any day. I’m about to put on the next one and order some Thai food on Deliveroo. 

Tomorrow morning, powered by dim sum and crispy beef, I’ll attack the week.

The Trad Wife round up:

Household tasks completed: 0
Marriage role models: Gomez and Morticia Addams
Glasses of New Zealand Sauvignon: 2
Phone battery: 15%